OMG: Cleavage show !!! Relax, it’s a compliment…

If you jumped to this piece expecting some more hormone-pumping pictures and videos, you’re at the wrong place. Just leave…

There is no cleavage, there is no show and certainly no “exposure”. If you want exposure, I’m sure Google can help you out. No wait, don’t Google it. Google Search will give you too many options and you will be spoilt for choice.

Check out The Times of India. It is the fastest emerging soft porn website in India with a different market positioning. I salute their efforts to bring to the fore the grave issues that plague our country today – someone’s cleavage, someone’s “assets”, a salacious kiss from an upcoming movie, the lingerie choice of celebrities and the latest MMS scandal.

If you haven’t heard about all these, you aren’t reading the newspapers. I fail to understand why you, the learned and the educated, aren’t interested in these news. Why waste your time contemplating on trivial issues that have brought us into the limelight of the “Hall of Shame”?

Why worry about Nirbhaya and the patriarchal culture of Indian society? Check out the hot cleavage.

Why focus on our problems with infrastructure and business climate? Peek at the latest “nip slip”.

Why stress ourselves over the depreciating rupee and its effect on our lives? In any case, our job is to blame the government for our demands and rising cost of goods. Who cares about the economy? Grab your moment of “fun” with the latest revealing dress in town.

By the way, it is not NSFW. It is perfectly suitable for the workplace. You’re just “reading the newspaper” and building awareness that will “please” you. After all, what matters more to the country is not whether you can get more work done and increase efficiency and productivity, but how long you can stare, ogle, swoon and lust at the latest “object” in B-town. Let Modi do his bit for the country, we are doing our bit.

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Source: First Post

But hey, I am being prejudiced here. Our newspapers aren’t full of “rich” content. They have some very valuable lessons too. I, for one, learnt how to misuse and abuse the English language and plaster it over the internet, professing our deepest knowledge of the matter. I learnt that I can use the positive, comparative and superlative degree on the same word in the same sentence and still be rated the best writer. I learnt that “subject-verb agreement” is a term invented by fools who have no idea of how to effectively manipulate the language. The focus is not on matching the prepositions with the verbs; the focus is on making you “satisfied” after reading the “news”. Don’t believe me? Here is the last sentence from the original piece that triggered the entire controversy on our much-loved platform, Twitter.

In fact, this is one of her boldest avatar.

Of course it is !!! She has only one avatar and this is the one. “What about the boldest? Isn’t it indicative of comparison with more than one?”, you ask. “No”, I say. “That concept is passe. This is the new ‘in’ thing”. She doesn’t have multiple avatars, out of which this is one. This is the only one and you MUST gawk.

Ignoring this case as a typo would also not make sense because this isn’t the only case of the “new” English I’ve observed. I’ll compile a list of the “new” rules that have been customised for India by our highly regarded newspapers, with immense backing and support from Wren & Martin.

Now, forget about all this. English doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is whether you have checked out the hottest scene that will blow you away.

Perhaps that did not come out the way it was supposed to. But, that’s fine. We are the intelligentsia and we MUST check out the latest bikini pics of you-know-who (no, not Voldemort).

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